My Reality Offline - Social Media, Mental Health & The Power of Asking ‘R U OK?’
Looking back on the year so far, I am really proud of what I have achieved online. I’ve been sharing a lot of goal-kicking recently, but I’ve been wanting to be a little more open about what’s been happening behind the scenes. Social media can be an incredible tool but when you’re using it incredibly often it can really mess with your brain.
A phrase that’s often used is that ‘social media (often) shows the highlights of a person’s life’. It’s true - I have been sharing all my highlights, and only recently I had tweeted about how I hadn’t been doing well (which is out of character for me, because I usually tend to keep those feelings private).
It inspired me to write this piece about my life off-camera in hopes that it might help someone else remember the reality of social media, reach out for help and/or know they’re not alone.
A couple of weeks ago, I went to my GP to seek help with my mental health - I felt uneasy and anxious about so many things. This year I had been knocked back for two promotions while trying to live on 10-hour work weeks since finishing uni, I have been struggling to get out of bed and do the most basic tasks and chores, and I was pushing myself and pouring my heart into making more content but felt it just isn’t going anywhere. The feelings of loneliness and uncertainty were (and still are) feeling really heavy, and on the surface I was pulling it off in not letting it show. My GP even said “wow just talking to you, you wouldn’t think there’s anything wrong with you.” I have this terrible habit of being very nonchalant when talking about my mental health and responded “yep, that’s why I’m here!”
But I think what really hit me harder was when the GP was asking what my hobbies were and how they align with my media degree I’m passionate about. I told her everything I keep myself busy with - streaming, producing content, podcast work etc. to which she responded “wow, you do all this work and don’t get paid a living for it?”
It is the truth, but hearing it from someone else just seemed like a kick in the guts.
It took me so long to finally go to the GP to seek help - it honestly took breaking down to a friend and having my partner make the appointment for me because I was incredibly stubborn and anxious. My reason for not doing it sooner? My brain kept telling me “you don’t have time to waste going to the doctors, you’ll get over whatever this is.” God, just writing this I know how awful that sounds but that’s where I was at.
It’s been incredibly stressful trying to find balance in my life - I get caught up wanting to do absolutely everything and just leave my physical and mental health behind. I have always been a high-achiever and perfectionist, and that can be both my biggest strength and weakness.
I don’t want to focus on talking about the content creation side of things too much here (which in honesty could be a whole post in itself), but I just find myself looking at the numbers of my views across my platforms and comparing them to the work of friends I truly admire and question why I’m not ‘there’ yet. I’m usually quite upbeat and positive when I talk about the downsides to content creation in passing, but I think being honest about the reality of it all is just as important. It can create doubt in your abilities and question yourself as a creator, and leave you feeling really empty. I’ve been using every spare minute I have to work in some capacity. I don’t even play games for fun anymore, or when I do there’s a sense of guilt because I’m 'not being productive’. It’s a nasty frame of mind to be in, and it’s something I’m working hard on.
Working this week raising money for ‘R U OK?’ really hits close to home, and I want to share two examples of how much showing support towards someone can really help:
I’m pretty new to the content creation scene - none of my close IRL friends do what I do, and I get a bit anxious to chat about what I do because I’m worried they might not understand. I get a little nervous when meeting new creators as I feel like a ‘baby creator’ just trying my best! In the week where I tweeted that I wasn’t doing well, I was getting ready for the Weekly Show with Pete and Str8JaktJim. We were soon about to start the show and before we started to prep, they wanted to chat with me and asked if I was ok. Their sincerity and willingness to chat just brought me to tears. Me being me at one point said, “hey, we need to go live soon - let me go freshen up quickly” to which they both said that it didn’t matter, and starting on time wasn’t important right then. Pete and Jim - if you’re reading this, thank you. I’m so grateful to have your support and kindness.
One of my friends noticed I needed some support recently. We both know that while they’re not the best with words, however they offered to invite me over for a whole chill day of TV and junk food. It may seem like a small gesture, but they have no idea how much that meant to me. To have someone offer their company and take their day aside to spend time doing something we could enjoy together was something I valued immensely, especially after feeling so isolated.
Having a conversation with someone or spending quality time with them are just two of many ways of supporting someone who is going through something tough right now.
A friend of mine told me ‘progress isn’t a straight line’ when it comes to mental health, which rings so true. There are some days where I feel that I’ve got it under control, and other times where it just ties me down terribly. Surround yourself with the people you love, and don’t be afraid to reach out for help.
I really hope this post might help remind someone that it’s okay not to be okay.
If you are struggling right now, I encourage you to try and reach out to someone you trust. I understand it might not be easy.
If you know someone who might be having a difficult time, I also encourage you to take the time out to have a conversation with them and ask how they’re doing.
Asking ‘R U OK?’ and reaching out is something that should be put into practice every day - be kind and be patient, and be there for one another. ♥
If you’re not sure where to start, the R U OK? website has some resources and services that you or someone you know can use: https://www.ruok.org.au/every-day-resources & https://www.ruok.org.au/findhelp
